The sunnah mentions several characteristics of successful parents. Let’s dive into some of them.

Hilm (Forebearance) and Hayaa (Modesty)

حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو إِسْحَاقَ الْهَرَوِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا الْعَبَّاسُ بْنُ الْفَضْلِ الأَنْصَارِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا قُرَّةُ بْنُ خَالِدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو جَمْرَةَ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ قَالَ لِلأَشَجِّ الْعَصَرِيِّ ‏ “‏ إِنَّ فِيكَ خَصْلَتَيْنِ يُحِبُّهُمَا اللَّهُ الْحِلْمَ وَالْحَيَاءَ ‏”‏ ‏.‏

Translation: It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said to Ashajj Ansari: “You have two characteristics that Allah likes: Forbearance and modesty.” (Sunan ibn Majah)

As we mentioned with the sandwich theory, with children, always separate the behaviour from the person. Never say things like, “I hate you” or “you’re a loser,” “idiot,” “stupid,” “I wish I never had you!” Some of us heard this from our own parents. Are we now our own parents? Are we passing on this disease? This DNA has to be out.

The elephant theory is quite simple: young elephants are trained, with one leg that’s shackled to a cement block. When shackled, they can’t move it no matter what. It forms a psychological block; as soon as the shackle goes on, they surrender. As mature elephants, despite having the strength to rip out the shackle and cement block, they give up when shackled.

The sandwich theory encapsulates the idea of how to advice others (children, spouse, etc.) with the goal of minimizing resistance. Human beings naturally resist being told that they’re doing something wrong and need to change.

The sandwich theory is simple: a sandwich consists of a nice, soft bun, followed by meat, followed by another soft bun. The heart of the sandwich (or burger) is really the meat.

Definition and Asl

Definition: “Terrible twos” occur when children are between the ages of one and three years old. This is usually when children throw a lot of tantrums, and rebel, saying “no!” to many things you tell them. How can you effectively deal with this situation?

First, understand the root (asl): children cannot keep their strong emotions inside. They cry, they scream, they stomp, they fling themselves on the floor. As a parent, you feel embarrassed or even angry by this behaviour.

Responsibility: Reward and Punishment

It’s our responsibility to take are of our children, especially their akhirah — their eternal life. Allah says:

Translation: O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones […] (Surah At-Tahrim, verse 66)

This ayah illustrates our responsibility: protect yourselves, and your children, from Hellfire — a fire whose fuel is stones and men. Would you raise your children, knowingly, that they are going to be firewood, or fuel for the fire?

You often hear the khatheeb or imam, right before the salah starts, saying “pray as if this is your last prayer.” Sure, but what does it mean, and how do we do it?

As one of the righteous people of the past said:

Pray as if Jannah is on your right side, Hellfire is on your left side, the siraat (bridge over Hellfire) is under you, the angel of death is behind you (waiting to take your soul any minute), your sins are above you (waiting to crush and destroy you), and this is the last deed, the one that decides if you go to Jannah or Jahannam forever.

We live in an era where knowledge is abundant and is available at our finger tips in variety of formats (audio, video, ebooks…) and on variety of devices and platforms (tablets, smartphones, laptops….). However, we lack the enthusiasm,  passion, dedication and commitment to seeking knowledge. Here are few of the inspiring stories of past to rekindle that spark.

• Imam Zafar said “We used to sit down and take our spots for the circle of Imam Ali Madini after the Asar prayer. The circle would take place next day. We would sit all night, for fear that if we come tomorrow, we may not find a good spot to sit”  (Subhanallah, nowadays people spend entire nights outside malls and shops to get good deals and bargains on Black Friday and Boxing Day or to meet celebrities)
• Salaba mentions that “I saw Ibraheem harbi in gathering, seeking knowledge Arabic language and Grammar, for 50 years, never missing out” (Note that Salaba would have had to attend the same study circle for 50 years for him to notice Ibraheem Harbi’s dedication)
• Someone asked Abdur Rahman about the knowledge he benefited from father Abu Hatim, he said “My father would be eating his food and I would be reading to him… as he walks, I would read to him..he goes into washroom, and I would read to him…my father would go inside the house – looking for something – I would still be reading to him.”  Abdur Rahman then told his own story: “We were once in Egypt for studying. We had not taken any hot soup for 7 months. During the daytime, we would go from one sheikh to another, and at night, we would sit down and exchange notes. One day, we went to one of our sheikh’s circle, we were informed that sheikh is sick. On our way back, we saw a fish,  we decided to buy it. However, when we got back home, it was time to go again to yet another lecture, so we left the fish at home. That fish stayed in the same place for 3 days. When it started to rot and smell,  we decided to eat it raw”
• One of the teachers of Bhukari mentions that “for 30 years, I never fed myself with my own hands, my sister used to put food in my mouth, I would be busy writing hadiths”.
• Ibn Hajar said that he read the entire Bhukari in 40 hours! and Shaheeh Muslim in 4 gatherings (each gathering is like 4 hours, so in 16 hours)

More stories to follow in the next post…..Stay tuned…

In Surah Al-Anbiyaa, Allah says:

Translation: Every soul will taste death. And We test you with evil and with good as trial; and to Us you will be returned. (Surah Al-Anbiya, verse 35)

In this verse, Allah uses the word “nablukum” (نبلوكم). This is a present-tense (mudaari’) form of the word “balaa.” From the grammar itself, scholars note, this means that Allah says that he will test you again and again and again, continuously.

As we continue our foray into Medini seerah, we notice that Medinah, at the time of hijrah, was divided culturally. It contained three distinct groups: Al-Aws, Al-Khazraj, and the Jews. All three held roughly equal power, with no one being significantly stronger than the other; Medinah had no clear leader who all the groups answered to.

Medinah was not only multi-cultural, but multi-religious! Which brings us to an important discussion: what is the difference between culture and religion, and how do we find a balance bewteen the two?

Someone asked Al-Abbas (radiallahu anhu), the uncle of rasulullah, a question: are you akbar than rasulullah?

In Arabic, literally, this means “are you greater than rasulullah.” But the obvious connotation is that the questioner asks about age: are you older than him?

Al-Abbas said:

رسول الله أكبر مني و لكن ولدت قبله

Rasulullah is greater than me, but I was born before him.

He wanted to set the record set, and give a clear message to all of us. The respect the sahaba had for rasulullah was amazing. Uthman ibn Affan, in Hudaybiyyah, refused to make umrah before rasulullah. One of the messengers of Quraysh said “I have seen kings and ceasers, but I never saw people who loved their leader as much as him.” The sahaba even tried to catch his wudoo water! So can we learn to respect him as he deserve?